bored with this blog.
what to do, what to do.....
Monday, November 1, 2010
Saturday, September 25, 2010
lessons 23-31
lessons again!
23. impulse control is hard to tame when you faff about, but when you master it, oh what joy!
24. people are actually ok if you probe them for interest and allow their kindness to penetrate you icy shell
25. people have hidden mysteries that make you want to hug them that you find out at the most unlikely times
26. never paint your nails black on your bed spread, no matter how nimble you think you are. (just found an old stain today lol)
27. walking slow at dusk is better than walking fast at any time of day
28. the sky is fucking huge. even bigger when you leap into it from a plane.
29. the grass is alive! i am to fast for this earth.
30. words make my world ignite!!! sensory delight!
31. it's bloody cold and I'm going to bed. g'night (morning :S )
23. impulse control is hard to tame when you faff about, but when you master it, oh what joy!
24. people are actually ok if you probe them for interest and allow their kindness to penetrate you icy shell
25. people have hidden mysteries that make you want to hug them that you find out at the most unlikely times
26. never paint your nails black on your bed spread, no matter how nimble you think you are. (just found an old stain today lol)
27. walking slow at dusk is better than walking fast at any time of day
28. the sky is fucking huge. even bigger when you leap into it from a plane.
29. the grass is alive! i am to fast for this earth.
30. words make my world ignite!!! sensory delight!
31. it's bloody cold and I'm going to bed. g'night (morning :S )
Friday, September 24, 2010
whimsical existentialisms
it's so nice getting comments that highlight that i'm actually doing positive things. i've actually never really heard them before now-ish....and a few people too! maybe i am changing......
.....................
WAHOOOOOO!!!! hehehe
sitting in the park at dark=uh, bliss. i love the earth i really do. i'm getting a little disheartened by all the destruction of nature that keeps bombarding me! :(
russia has put flags on the bottom of the arctic sea bed, claiming the oil underneath for 'when the ice melts'. oh no, let's not fucking prevent it. let's just destroy everything more. and then destroy it even further. gah.
i'm thinking about moving to the blue mountains next year possibly, maybe the one after. just to be, and make art, and music, and enjoy the nature and silence and people. i'm not sure but it was a passing thought. i always thought i would be finished uni and have a job in the city for a few years and THEN go to the mountains. but FUCK, i dont want to go to uni! i dont! OMG I DONT!!! :smile: i expected so much through school, i did so so so well, so so so much work, people expected so much of me, i 'knew' i would go to uni, i knew i wuld get a job, make money, be famous maybe.
why? i dont really want that.
i want to LIVE. not work and make dinner and wash up and watch tv and go to bed and get up and dread work and have a shower and be at work and wait til work is over and drive home and make tea and yell at my kids to wash up and do some work on my laptop and drink a shitty coffee out of an overpriced coffee machine and wash it and go to be and stay awake from the coffe and complain all next day about no sleep and eat leftovers in the lunch room with other equally stressed people and talk about the dollar and grab some low fat, high packaged, groceries and soft toilet paper and go home and fall asleep at my laptop and........
lol
i want to be an eccentric. NO, i am a bloody eccentric. i want to embrace that. i want to think FREELY. i am beginning to think freely. do what i want do what i want that is positive that makes me happy and healthy. catch up with friends. hand make 40 personalised birthday invites, star at the sky and the way the light blue fades to black at dusk and think about perfection and imperfection and how everything contradicts everything and everything else is the same.
i don't CARE, it doesn't MATTER if I never have a 'proper', stable job. Of course if I'm a dole bludging, pokie playing, croc wearing hobo, who drinks metho and smokes like a chimney, perhaps not what i want. but if im rich in art and friends and thought and experience....THAT is what i want.
who do you remember?
i dont remember the rich man
i remember the old man at the train station who talked to me about his favourite pair of steel capped boots and their demise but how he loved his garden and was sad when a plant got dug up.
i remember the tragics but i also remember the free spirits.
i dont want to be remembered necessarily, but when people do remember me, I dont want to be the workaholic, exerciseaholic, materialistic, make-upped botoxed flash car flash shoes expensive watch big haired woman.
it seems unhappy. always striving for a bigger house. a cleaner floor. a greener lawn. a whiter blouse.
i realised something while i had a tummy bug last weekend. I desperately wanted to go for a walk because i 'needed to burn calories from sitting around doing nothing'. so i went for a very slow stroll around the block.....and OH MY GOD, it was amaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaazing! i just wandered, and looked at things and smiled as i thought of how they related and how they existed and did not care an INCH whether i came or went. they sat still silently observing as cars drove past in a hurry. and they were no less beautiful or simple or complex. i ended up walking soooo much further than i planned (and should have considering my bug) BUT BUT BUT it wasnt (for the first time ummm EVER) because i wanted to burn calories, or because i was on a roll and should keep going while i am because i wont get to exercise tomorrow or because i slacked off the last few hundred meters.
it was because i was enjoying my surroundings so much. i was enjying my thoughts so much. i was enjoying BEING and not thiinking about mYSELF but the whole and the minute and the gravel road and how it looked like a giant had run and left giant footprints and how frustrated all the speedy four wheeled drivers would be when they had to slow down to dodge said potholes.
it was just so lovely being utterly alone with my music and my vision and feeling the gravel and feeding the horses in the paddock and looking at the fence and how the wire was gnarled.....
and i realised how much i bloody HATE HATE HATE exercise because i've NEVER though of it as something i like to do, i thought of it as 'i have to get fit', 'everyone else is good at it/likes it so i should be too', 'i need to lose weight'. ive always hated it! i played several differnt sports over the years and hated them all. i was good at tennis but just never felt it. basketball was misery...and i wasnt even 6 lol.....hockey, i was hopeless, i went to socialise! i liked karate because it was about the mind as well....but that was a fail when i missed my grading lol. meant to be maybe? walking running swimming, have all been 'weight loss', calorie burning etc.
the past few days i have been ITCHING to go for a walk fo the first time. because it's not power power power ergh is this over yet? power power hmmmm walk faster faster i cant feel the burn i should run run run OW PAIN walk walk fasssster bitch *insert nastiness here*
i did not even CONTEMPLATE these thoughts as i wandered......
this is what it is like to live.
not just exist.
life can be good.
just do the opposite. same same........ but different hehe. (music therapist's favourite saying lol)
well, that's my whimsical speech for today. i shall go and do something amazing.
i am going to a festival tomorrow in town, a small one, an amazing one. i am going to talk and dance and laugh and hug and listen and watch and run and drink and EAT and have a wonderful time.
.....................
WAHOOOOOO!!!! hehehe
sitting in the park at dark=uh, bliss. i love the earth i really do. i'm getting a little disheartened by all the destruction of nature that keeps bombarding me! :(
russia has put flags on the bottom of the arctic sea bed, claiming the oil underneath for 'when the ice melts'. oh no, let's not fucking prevent it. let's just destroy everything more. and then destroy it even further. gah.
i'm thinking about moving to the blue mountains next year possibly, maybe the one after. just to be, and make art, and music, and enjoy the nature and silence and people. i'm not sure but it was a passing thought. i always thought i would be finished uni and have a job in the city for a few years and THEN go to the mountains. but FUCK, i dont want to go to uni! i dont! OMG I DONT!!! :smile: i expected so much through school, i did so so so well, so so so much work, people expected so much of me, i 'knew' i would go to uni, i knew i wuld get a job, make money, be famous maybe.
why? i dont really want that.
i want to LIVE. not work and make dinner and wash up and watch tv and go to bed and get up and dread work and have a shower and be at work and wait til work is over and drive home and make tea and yell at my kids to wash up and do some work on my laptop and drink a shitty coffee out of an overpriced coffee machine and wash it and go to be and stay awake from the coffe and complain all next day about no sleep and eat leftovers in the lunch room with other equally stressed people and talk about the dollar and grab some low fat, high packaged, groceries and soft toilet paper and go home and fall asleep at my laptop and........
lol
i want to be an eccentric. NO, i am a bloody eccentric. i want to embrace that. i want to think FREELY. i am beginning to think freely. do what i want do what i want that is positive that makes me happy and healthy. catch up with friends. hand make 40 personalised birthday invites, star at the sky and the way the light blue fades to black at dusk and think about perfection and imperfection and how everything contradicts everything and everything else is the same.
i don't CARE, it doesn't MATTER if I never have a 'proper', stable job. Of course if I'm a dole bludging, pokie playing, croc wearing hobo, who drinks metho and smokes like a chimney, perhaps not what i want. but if im rich in art and friends and thought and experience....THAT is what i want.
who do you remember?
i dont remember the rich man
i remember the old man at the train station who talked to me about his favourite pair of steel capped boots and their demise but how he loved his garden and was sad when a plant got dug up.
i remember the tragics but i also remember the free spirits.
i dont want to be remembered necessarily, but when people do remember me, I dont want to be the workaholic, exerciseaholic, materialistic, make-upped botoxed flash car flash shoes expensive watch big haired woman.
it seems unhappy. always striving for a bigger house. a cleaner floor. a greener lawn. a whiter blouse.
i realised something while i had a tummy bug last weekend. I desperately wanted to go for a walk because i 'needed to burn calories from sitting around doing nothing'. so i went for a very slow stroll around the block.....and OH MY GOD, it was amaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaazing! i just wandered, and looked at things and smiled as i thought of how they related and how they existed and did not care an INCH whether i came or went. they sat still silently observing as cars drove past in a hurry. and they were no less beautiful or simple or complex. i ended up walking soooo much further than i planned (and should have considering my bug) BUT BUT BUT it wasnt (for the first time ummm EVER) because i wanted to burn calories, or because i was on a roll and should keep going while i am because i wont get to exercise tomorrow or because i slacked off the last few hundred meters.
it was because i was enjoying my surroundings so much. i was enjying my thoughts so much. i was enjoying BEING and not thiinking about mYSELF but the whole and the minute and the gravel road and how it looked like a giant had run and left giant footprints and how frustrated all the speedy four wheeled drivers would be when they had to slow down to dodge said potholes.
it was just so lovely being utterly alone with my music and my vision and feeling the gravel and feeding the horses in the paddock and looking at the fence and how the wire was gnarled.....
and i realised how much i bloody HATE HATE HATE exercise because i've NEVER though of it as something i like to do, i thought of it as 'i have to get fit', 'everyone else is good at it/likes it so i should be too', 'i need to lose weight'. ive always hated it! i played several differnt sports over the years and hated them all. i was good at tennis but just never felt it. basketball was misery...and i wasnt even 6 lol.....hockey, i was hopeless, i went to socialise! i liked karate because it was about the mind as well....but that was a fail when i missed my grading lol. meant to be maybe? walking running swimming, have all been 'weight loss', calorie burning etc.
the past few days i have been ITCHING to go for a walk fo the first time. because it's not power power power ergh is this over yet? power power hmmmm walk faster faster i cant feel the burn i should run run run OW PAIN walk walk fasssster bitch *insert nastiness here*
i did not even CONTEMPLATE these thoughts as i wandered......
this is what it is like to live.
not just exist.
life can be good.
just do the opposite. same same........ but different hehe. (music therapist's favourite saying lol)
well, that's my whimsical speech for today. i shall go and do something amazing.
i am going to a festival tomorrow in town, a small one, an amazing one. i am going to talk and dance and laugh and hug and listen and watch and run and drink and EAT and have a wonderful time.
Wednesday, September 1, 2010
diversion:things that make me happy
- my brother ALWAYS uses my towel, and when i get a new one out, he usses that one! GRRR. so in realliation, i use his towels as bathroom floor mats. and that satisfies me :)
- i like finding socks at the bottom of my bed with my feet
- performing
- vacuuming and hearing all the dirt fly up into the vacuum
- that my friend's boyfriend is walking again after breaking his back :) :) :)
- cutting pictures out of magazines
- the plastic letter opener at work and the noise it makes
- being tweeted by famous people
- contorting my body when i'm bored (believe me, it's faaarrrr from realy contortion though lol)
- the song on the mazda ad
- organised mess in my bedroom (it has just crossed from organised mess into unmanageable mess....dammit)
- my new boots and the noise they make on cement
- the smell of the river
- finding fellow greenies or nerds
- my phone's message tone 'dinga ling da ding ding ding' it makes getting texts feel like an elf is running around your ankles!
- not emptying my rubbish bin in my room til it's overflowing
- recycling everything i possibly can
- postcards from overseas
- hearing my brother play his bass guitar :)
- not having a new or good mobile phone heh heh
- blue pens that have really thick, dark ink
- when my strawberry gum loses its flavour
- marbles
- trying to grow moss in little containers in my room. it's really hard, i don't know what it wants! it's still alive though, just not very happy hehehe. i feel sorry for it. it's so lovely and soft and moist smelling and dweller of undwellable cracks, and then i come along and tear a smidgen out of it's little nest and friends and stick him in my room in a little metal cup! poor guy :(
- putting ice cubes in tap water and watching/hearing it crack
- thinking of so many things that make me happy that i literally have to tear myself away from the computer to stop writing about them!
lessons 17-21
17. don't wear stockings in bed. anything and everything will stick to them rendering them hairy and nasty
18. doing things before they are due, and not 5 minutes before as was my speech tonight, but pleeeenty of time, is quite a pleasing way to go!
19. water proof make-up requires water proof make-up remover-doh!
20. i have a lot going for me :)
21. we bite back isthe bomb diggity :D :D
nighty nighty....or morny morn.....tis 1.34am....oops hehe
http://ilovecharts.tumblr.com/ this website steals a lot of my time....it's awesthome
18. doing things before they are due, and not 5 minutes before as was my speech tonight, but pleeeenty of time, is quite a pleasing way to go!
19. water proof make-up requires water proof make-up remover-doh!
20. i have a lot going for me :)
21. we bite back isthe bomb diggity :D :D
nighty nighty....or morny morn.....tis 1.34am....oops hehe
http://ilovecharts.tumblr.com/ this website steals a lot of my time....it's awesthome
Sunday, August 29, 2010
lesson 16
16. spontaneous moments are the best ones. sometimes you can't plan awesomeness in your life :)
Saturday, August 28, 2010
lesson 15
15. making up harmonies to my favourite songs is theraputic and pleasing and makes me feel reconnected with making music.
lesson 8 to 14
so i'm going to be a copy cat :D heh heh heh....
8. i learnt that it's so much mmore exciting eating your dinner when it all comes from your own garden!this is our dinner a few nights ago, the potato on the shepards pie was found in random spots around our yard, we didn't even know it had been growing! The broccoli has been plagued with grubs, but we eat it anyway after a good wash, the carrots were in the ground from last season and mum cleared them all out and boiled them up anyway! the leaves are actually brussell sprouts that my brother planted a gazillion of as a 'funny joke', and they're sort of deformed and are more leaves than the normal sprouts, but they are sooooo flavoursome! and the pumpkin we've had for ages, we had about 12 large pumpkins at the end of the pumpkin season and this is the last one! (see more on the pumpkin below :D )
9. you can eat pumpkins even if the skin is beyond disgusting. the picture below is a pumpkin that we are slowly but surely consuming in our nightly meals. this far, none of the four of us have keeled over! though it is lacking a little in flavour...if only the mould enhanced it like in cheese!
8. i learnt that it's so much mmore exciting eating your dinner when it all comes from your own garden!this is our dinner a few nights ago, the potato on the shepards pie was found in random spots around our yard, we didn't even know it had been growing! The broccoli has been plagued with grubs, but we eat it anyway after a good wash, the carrots were in the ground from last season and mum cleared them all out and boiled them up anyway! the leaves are actually brussell sprouts that my brother planted a gazillion of as a 'funny joke', and they're sort of deformed and are more leaves than the normal sprouts, but they are sooooo flavoursome! and the pumpkin we've had for ages, we had about 12 large pumpkins at the end of the pumpkin season and this is the last one! (see more on the pumpkin below :D )
9. you can eat pumpkins even if the skin is beyond disgusting. the picture below is a pumpkin that we are slowly but surely consuming in our nightly meals. this far, none of the four of us have keeled over! though it is lacking a little in flavour...if only the mould enhanced it like in cheese!
10. i have learnt my entire monologue which i'm performing on monday night!
11. today i learnt that sleeping on the front driveway with your comfiest pillow in the warm afternoon sun is the most satisfying thing to do...ever.
12. not so long ago i learnt that if your cat is growling deeply when you've picked him up atfer harrassing him by touching his belly because he doesn't like it but it's oh so soft and white, he will most likely turn around, grab a hold of your neck, and bite the shit out of your face....and probably not let go unless you sorta throw him across the loungeroom, resulting in an even angrier kitty who comes chasing after you and claws dragged through the skin on your neck.
13. it's kinda cool, after being attacked by said kitty, to tell young 'uns that you were bitten by a vampire
14. it is possible to make amends with kitty and be the best of pals, lying out on the driveway in the sun together purring and rolling about with carefree enjoyment.
lessons 6 and 7
6. don't tell your mum to 'fuck off'
7. cheap red wine can be heaps better than expensive
7. cheap red wine can be heaps better than expensive
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